IMAGE CREDITS: http://www.wpnature.com
Its raining outside; I can see through that tiny sliver, that hole in the roof. Dim dull sky with a silver outline pouring its heart out. It feels like the world has come to a standstill & I am alone in my solitude.
I hear it…Slow patter of the rain drops drumming against the roof. There is absolute silence; some sort of a comforting darkness where all you find is the reticent rain speaking to itself. I close my eyes and travel a land of breathe-taking wilderness.
I feel 16 again!
This place is dark, cramped and damp most of the times, but now I’m used to it. This place has accepted me as one its own & I have too!
Monsoons bring melody & shower; at least that is what I can feel from inside here. Water keeps trickling through the roof. I let it rain on my face sometimes. It feels good. Even in the darkness I can find a beautiful garden.
My dreams? They are still colourful. I still hope to see the sunshine in absolute freedom someday! Those colours of the past from a few years back, it still strikes to me as the best one could have ever witnessed.
I do not regret my choice! NO! But I do hope for a change in a few years.
I hallucinate in the dark to feel the light!
I stay indoors most of the days; just by myself, shrunk to the corner of the bed. There are not many who totally understand me, but I don’t blame them.
I feel 16 again!
I remember the first day I walked these streets. There were smiles pasted on grins and tears; like they all had a mask on. I couldn’t see past it though.
I came here looking for means to fill stomachs that my mother had left behind.
I didn’t have much option. I had a choice of trading four lives for one.
I chose ONE!
I still remember my first night. I had strengthened my mind but my heart was still weak. My feelings weren’t as concrete as my resolve. My fear gripped me & it started to gulp me up whole. After all, I was only 16.
It walked right in front of me, my nightmare; comforting me that breaking my heart and dreams wasn’t a big deal; that it wasn’t going to hurt; that it wouldn’t …it wouldn’t…..!!!
A stranger getting closer than known; giving out words of advice to have his way out; quite ironical!
His ‘wouldn’t s’ all flipped in a moment ; one gasp….
& everything was done.
I couldn’t undo it. I made a decision & I had to stand by it.
My tears washed away my dreams and hopes of LOVE. My mental anguish overcame my physical pain.
I shut my eyes & there they were; the ones for whom I took a chance.
The physical weight on me didn’t affect me anymore. The shaking, thrusting, moving…nothing mattered. It was only a matter of few more moments.
It all stopped.
It went for a few nights before I could gather myself. Pain had become practice & dark had become light!
A few days later, ‘HE’ returned. My first day had been re-enacted.
Few moments & it was done; again!
The darkness crept into the night & moon sparkled through the broken roof. My 16 year old heart leapt; skipped a heart beat & eyes again dreamed of my soul-partner. All this, while the dread of the night lay next to me.
I smirked in naïve blush & smiled my way to sleep.
Fear had no more held my heart captive.
At dawn, things seemed afresh again.
The people, who gave me this livelihood held my hand through these days. They comforted me & taught me means.
They weren’t much older but it seemed like they had lost all the glitter! The darkness had taken away their ability to brighten up. When I told them about my notion of love…? They simply laughed.
To them I was just another kid whose dreams would get crushed under the humanly tormenting weight of flesh trade.
I feel 16 & tender again!
Its been 6 years since. Every night brings in a new visitor; some known faces & some unknown; some new experiences, some new stories. It doesn’t matter. For a few hours, my 16 year old heart just escapes my body & wanders the love land hoping to find true love someday.
Not all of them are bad. Their body yearns for love just like my heart. Our stories, needs & ways maybe different; but in the end, we are all looking for the same thing!
Every night, in the darkness of lust, I try to hunt for the chip of love that could fix my broken heart.
Someday….somewhere….maybe I will?
I feel 16 & tender again!
The patter had become unanimously louder.
The door cracked open.
“Chal bheegte hai.”
[Let’s get drenched in the rain]
There are lot of times that all of us face crossroads & have to make difficult decisions. The ‘REAL HUMANS OF OUR SOCIETY’ are out there unacknowledged. This is just a little attempt for us to acknowledge their existence & appreciate their courage to make those choices.